


I need to speak with your manager

by AngelCuttingOnions



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fitzroy has karen energy shut up, Gen, Humor, i wrote this at three in the morning i am not joking i need sleep, kinda hints at Fitz/Rainer but not entirely, overuse of the words sir fitzroy and maplecourt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelCuttingOnions/pseuds/AngelCuttingOnions
Summary: this is literally just. fitz bitching about things. and people being done with his shit. that’s it that’s the whole plot.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	I need to speak with your manager

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this at 2:30 in the fucking morning help please.

“Seriously? _Seriously_!?” Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt did not stomp his foot like a child. He absolutely did not. “No cafe? There’s a fricking bar but no coffee? I absolutely will not stand for this!” 

Nearly everyone around him rolled their eyes and continued eating their food, used to this by now. The firbolg and Rainer were the only ones who payed much attention, the firbolg because he wasn’t sure what coffee was and why it was so important, and Rainer because she always did.

“I cannot go to a school where they don’t care about my levels of caffeination! I could pass out at any moment! I could get a head injury!” Sir Fitzroy scrunched up his face as he cut into his omelette (which was very much not a crepe) and took a bite. His ranting continued up until classtime, only stopping in between bites of food. 

~~~

“There’s nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. I’m going to die of boredom.” Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt was on his bottom bed, the one he decided would be for the day, and he was feeling bored. 

“Take a walk, go to the cafeteria, take a nap, wander into the unknown forest and die, I can think of more suggestions?” Argo recommend. 

Sir Fitzroy blinked at Argo, as if just noticing his existence. “Please don’t give me solutions to my problems when I’m trying to complain, it’s incredibly frustrating.” 

“Alright.” Argo shrugged and went back to ignoring the half elf. 

~~~

“I see no one cares if I live or die. I could be bleeding out right now, and you’re all just going around me as if nothing is wrong. You’re all terrible terrible people.” Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt was lying on the ground having just tripped over a shoe that was in the middle of the hallway for unknown reasons. 

“I asked if you wanted help getting up, but you can stay on the floor if you’d prefer to.” 

Sir Fitzroy looked pathetically up at Rainer as she spoke. “Right after you laughed at me! I could be dying right now!” 

“You’re not dying Fitz, come on, you’ve got class.” She held out her hand to him and he grabbed it, grumbling as he stood. 

“I could have internal injuries. If people can’t keep track of their personal belongings they don’t deserve to wear shoes.”

~~~

“I’m just saying that if the school can afford to put magical hiveminded gargoyles in every single room, they can afford fantasy mini refrigerators and fantasy microwaves!” Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt was eating room temperature omelette from the previous day, waving his fork for emphasis as he spoke. 

“You’re going to get yourself sick with that.” Argo had already tried to convince him multiple times not to eat it. 

“I’ll just perish and that will force them to do something about the lack of fantasy appliances.” Sir Fitzroy stuffed another bite of food in his mouth. “If I die do you think school would be shut down for the rest of the semester? The rest of the week at least.” 

~~~

“This is terrible and I hate it.” Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt declared loudly from his upper bed where he was wrapped in multiple blankets. 

“Please shut up.” Argo sat up in bed and pleaded for the third time. “Literally just remove a blanket or two and you’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point! It should be cool enough in here that I need at least three, not one, not two, _three_ blankets. It’s too warm and I’m un _comfortable_!” Sir Fitzroy whined.

“Ground.” The firbolg piped in from his designated corner on the floor. “Ground is... cool.” 

“I refuse to sleep on the floor with the dirt and the bugs and the dirt and the ground.” The half elf declared, rolling his blankets tighter around himself. “If the school doesn’t make my room colder I’m going to die out of spite, that will show them.”

“Please... be quiet.” The firbolg requested before he covered his ears with his arms and rolled over. Argo decided to take a page from his book and cover his head with a pillow, only partially succeeding in drowning out Sir Fitzroy’s voice.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m taking this space to tell you all that my sister and i peer pressured our brother into listening to TAZ on the three hour drive (each way) to and from a funeral. said sister was peer pressured by her boyfriend and myself to listen to TAZ. (:


End file.
